July 02, 2008

You are NOT the.......

I have a confession. It's really scary to just put this out there, so I'm just gonna do it, like ripping off a Band-Aid. Okay, here goes: I LOVE THE MAURY POVICH SHOW! I mean, really, really love it. Well, not all the Maury shows. I could really care less about the "little people" who overcome the challenges of the BIG, BIG world, not very liberal of me, I know. I also don't want to watch that spitting drill sergeant abandon those screaming toddlers with the loud-mouthed hood rats. Personally, I doubt that 30 minutes of shock therapy baby-sitting as prevented one of those disrespectful brats from premature parenting, but God knows how scared the poor kids are. But, either way, those show have far more taste and refinery than the Maury sets I adore. You guessed it, it's the paternity show. Occasionally I will pull for either a positive or a negative result, but normally I'm just giddy over both parties so passionately believing their paternity position. One way or another, one is going to be wrong. I find it especially sinfully awesome when they bring up some cussing grandma or new wife for good measure. They fight, they break dance, they even do back flips. Since paternity tests have gotten so cheap, I really don't understand why most of these folks come on national tv for their scandalous ways to exposed to a dumbfounded country. What's worse is this airs in the exact same slot as Democracy Now, when I am suppose to be learning about what section of the Constitution is currently being used as a rug for the nation's lawless indiscretions. As ashamed as I am to admit this, I'd really rather find out just who the Baby Daddy is.
As though these Maury paternity shows weren't flea market tacky enough already, he has now added a fancy feature to his website. Basically, photos of two people are uploaded and then merged into their future "baby. The result is some unholy image of a zombie child or something else straight out of horror flicks. I struggle to explain it, really. It is like the bit Conan O'Brien did with the famous couples. He did it for years until Maury came along and stole his side-show thunder.
When I visited the site, as you knew I would, I noticed a "Baby Album," the morphed images of other visitors on display. Now, some of these folks are pretty special in their own right and will most likely be future guests, if you are smelling what I'm stepping in. I really wanted to do one with my photo with Rowdy's, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I've admitted to you, my faithful readers, that I have this Maury addiction. It's all about the baby steps, no pun intended.

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