July 21, 2008

"Carp"e Eat 'Em

My life, as I have well documented, provides plenty fodder for this quirky little blog. However, while exploring the internet for damning news stories, I often randomly stumble upon some obscure tidbit that proves I may not be the nuttiest person on the globe. I think it would be a disservice to you, my brilliant readers, not to share this, the bountiful treasure of my explorations.
Logging onto msn.com this evening, an image linking to a story immediately captured my attention. Like a flashing sign in a dimly light room, it sprung from the page, begging to be read.
So, just as the sly webmaster intended, I clicked on the link. Finding this story was particularly interesting considering just few weeks ago, a friend was itemizing her budget aloud to me and, while doing so, filed pedicures in the "needs" folder. We laughed about this as she admitted to treating herself every week and a half. From the few pedicures I've had, I can certainly understand how anyone could be lured into the savory scent of chemicals, a sweeter aroma than roses in spite of a few burnt nose hairs. My friend said she was joking about forfeiting food for the massaging, manicuring pampering, but I've known her long enough to see she was lying. Hell, if I didn't live so far from the toe nail saints and wasn't such a tight ass, I'd probably sacrifice food for the pedicures. God knows I could use it. Now beer, that's another story.
The hilarious comic Dat Phan, who happens to be Vietnamese-American, kills audiences with poking fun at his ethnicity's take on the United States. In one of his sets, he pretends as though he is a military-isque commander of some sort, rallying his people to conquer America from east to west, one nail shop at a time. I'm paraphrasing here, but trust me, it's some funny shit.
The most hilarious jokes are often that which resemble the truth. While my hometown of somewhere around 15,000 people has just two grocery stores, it boasts three nail shops owned by Asian people. And, that's not to mention all the beauty shops that offer a mani-pedi service. So, needless to say, the demand is here, there, everywhere. And, with these new businesses popping up to provide the same or similar services to their local competitor, each one has to work to be noticed in a sea of sameness.
With that very notion in mind, a Virgina spa outside of Washington D.C. concocted a new service guaranteed to "lure" new customers. The "bait" is a luxurious new treatment to rid the feet of dead skin and the spa owners hope both new and past customers will "bite."
John and Yvonne Ho, owners of Yvonne Hair and Nails, were seeking a satisfactory treatment their customers were pond, I mean fond of while offering something un"lake" the competing salons. God, the puns are just "streaming" out of me. Jesus, somebody turn of the corny!
So, when the husband and wife team heard of a rare treatment that spawned in Turkey and spread into Asia, they took a gamble in its success in the D.C. metro. Now, you know if Elk City, Oklahoma, is experiencing this nail salon boom, the Beltway must be bulging over with them.
So, if I understand it correctly, here's the deal: before the filing on your nails begins, before sticking your feet into the personal whirlpool typically resting at the bottom of the pedicure massaging chair, you plunge them into a pool of hungry, yet bare-gummed carps. Rather than your nasty foot crud being scrapped off a razor, which health departments have proven to be unsanitary, starving little fish devoured it. Perhaps your toe jam can elevate you to humanitarian status, thus saving small strands of species. Right?
As you can imagine, customers were at first weary about this new service. Apparently, a few still are. But, according to Ho (their last name is Ho, as if I weren't laughing already. I love that this family hasn't been seduced into the bland tradition of changing their name to blend into main"stream" America. But, maybe then bought a Snoop Dogg cd on the flight to the US and think they have.), if he can get 'em to take the nibbling plunge, they leave with fresh feet, raving about the fishy result.
So, my faithful few, I want to know your opinion. Would you do this? Are you grossed out by the idea of your feet as a feeding frenzy? I'm curious enough about your thoughts on this interesting subject that I think I'm going to open up a contest. Here's how it works:
Today is July 22. On August 1, I will close the contest. If you leave me a comment, any comment, about your opinion upon this new spa treatment, you are entered in it. On that day, I will call one of the three nail shops in Elk City and I will ask for a number between 1 and the enter number. For example, if I have 100 comments (unlikely, I know), I will ask them to pick a number in between that range. Now, I don't know one from another, so I myself will select this randomly. Whoever happened to leave that numbered comment will win a free pedicure on me. And if you send one of your friends to the blog to give their opinion, screw it, if they name you as their referral, I'll give one to both of you if their number is picked. But, remember, they have to leave your name like, "So glad Shonda sent me. Here's what I think."
Now, for you out of towners, DON'T FRET! If you are selected, and you could be, I will send you a money card for the value of a local salon to do your own in your own town. Hell, I'm pulling for you, anyways. The locals are already reading to see what ole crazy Shonda is up to, but you guys don't know of my nuttiness.

21 comments:

Mary Hamilton said...

I don't think I would enjoy lots of little carp(even toothless ones) nibbling on my feet. Although I LOVE a good pedicure, I'll stick to the old fashion salt scrubs and soaking. Some things Miranda and I do have in common. Ha Ha.

Melody said...

Well, Well, yet again I am suprised at what I just read...even though I havent given this much thought, I think I would do it. I have always said that I would try just about anything once. If I could get over the extreme giggles that I would encounter from these scaly little bugers nipping at my toes..Yes I belive I would give it a whirl!!

Misty said...

I saw the same artical. The little red toenails with the fish munching on them. Unfortunately, I have been nibbled by a fish or two in the lake. It wasn't pleasant. Surprising, and it made me scream. So, I could see how the fish would munch on the feet. I would be interested because I have never had a pedicure (I know, I'm missing out) on my size 11 feet. I walk barefoot in the yard and stomp through the mud like your messiest little boy so therefore I am a bit apprehensive due to what they might find while they are digging and scraping on my feet aka boats. But, yeah, sounds interesting.

Me Myself said...

While I've never had a pedicure, I'm a firm believer in trying things at least once. So yeah, I'd try it!

Melissa Fulton said...

I've been trying for forever to get my husband to get a pedicure and I think this might just be the way to do it! I'm not so sure I could join in on it, but for every woman out there who is tired of looking at her poor working husbands disgusting feet. Here is our chance!!!

Christal Bentley said...

I think I would try it at least once, you never know it might feel really good, or give you a good laugh.

Mollie said...

I would much rather the fish do my feet than a person. It's the part after the fish I would object too. I can't believe it is socially acceptable to go around letting strangers touch your naked flesh. All these people creep me out with their enjoyment of pedicures, massages, etc. If I am going to put up with someone touching my skin, I better be getting laid. And if I win the contest, donate the money to Lyndi instead. Fuck pedicures.

Laura said...

That is some crazy shit! I can't say I wouldn't do it but I sure as hell know of some people who definatley need it. It would be a feeding frenzy if certain bitches named Krissy and Beth went in for pedicures! Lol! Now Shonda, you know me and my not being afraid to call out these ridiculous people, I do have a potty mouth and Im not afraid to open it...so I had to say it!;) Besides...they were the first people to pop into mind when reading it!
But anyways...count me in! I love pedicures and if there's a chance it could be free...then Im game!

Kassie said...

No, No! The idea itself it frightening! Who came up with this and how? I love pedicures but no carp please!!

Amanda Neighbors said...

I would have to say no. I have only every had one pedicure in my life. I just wanted to tell Mollie her comment was hilarious-and Shonda.....love your writing.

miranda said...

So as you know I am a firm believer in a good pedicure!! The carp thing frightens me a little bit....I think I stick to my sweet Cindy and her employees at Fashion Nails!!!

Jennifer Witherby said...

It was on one of the morning daytime shows this morning!!! I was watching it on my way out the door to work. It's crazy! But you know.....whatever!

Anonymous said...

From the Desk of Derek Baden:
Shonda, you never cease to amaze me with your wonderful word play. Carp e Eat 'Em is the funniest thing I have read all day. I would not personally let carp eat my feet, but if I owned the shop, I would substitute rabid pirhana randomly, for shits and giggles. It would be for my own morbid amusement, and the proceeds that I raised by selling it to pay per view would be donated to Lyndi. Or I would buy a speed boat, the jury is still out on that one.

Jennifer Little said...

Okay.. I have never had a pedi and don't really like people touching my feet.. but heck, for free (on my sister-in-law), I'll give it a whirl. As for the fish thing.. I guess it depends on how much Sol I had before. ;) Right, Shonda?

Stephanie said...

OKay let me just say this...


ewe...

Next it will be zombies used to eat the dead skin off of something......

wait and see...

Me...I will be spending more time at my dearest friend Mollies.......

melissa said...

I think i will stick to the little razors getting the skin off my feet! The picture did it, it's scary looking. Maybe they should not use clear tanks!

melissa said...

I would have to say no fish. I wasn't sure till I saw the picture and it was really scary! Maybe they should not use clear tanks!

Misty said...

Okay, seriously, I know this is my SECOND comment on this but I just recently painted the exterior of my house and CANNOT remove the paint from my gargantuan tootsies!!

Trisha said...

I would definltly try it, I'm sure if you went there to get pedicure when you were having a bad day you would leave feeling much better. But I do have to question the cleanliness? How are you going to clean these fish in between each pedicure? I would have to give it a try though!

Dillon Pena said...

I read about this on the way to work one day, and thought to myself how it might really tickle.

Courtney LeGrand said...

Oh Shonda!! I look at it either way...you're getting a pedicure. I myself would much rather just have the person scrape my feet rather than a carp biting my dead skin off. But, also I'm up for trying anything new and as long as they don't hurt you, then it wouldn't be so bad. Eventually, about 80% of the women are going to do it just cause their friend did it. I would be in the 80%.

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