"Carp"e Eat 'Em

My life, as I have well documented, provides plenty fodder for this quirky little blog. However, while exploring the internet for damning news stories, I often randomly stumble upon some obscure tidbit that proves I may not be the nuttiest person on the globe. I think it would be a disservice to you, my brilliant readers, not to share this, the bountiful treasure of my explorations.
Logging onto msn.com this evening, an image linking to a story immediately captured my attention. Like a flashing sign in a dimly light room, it sprung from the page, begging to be read.
So, just as the sly webmaster intended, I clicked on the link. Finding this story was particularly interesting considering just few weeks ago, a friend was itemizing her budget aloud to me and, while doing so, filed pedicures in the "needs" folder. We laughed about this as she admitted to treating herself every week and a half. From the few pedicures I've had, I can certainly understand how anyone could be lured into the savory scent of chemicals, a sweeter aroma than roses in spite of a few burnt nose hairs. My friend said she was joking about forfeiting food for the massaging, manicuring pampering, but I've known her long enough to see she was lying. Hell, if I didn't live so far from the toe nail saints and wasn't such a tight ass, I'd probably sacrifice food for the pedicures. God knows I could use it. Now beer, that's another story.
The hilarious comic Dat Phan, who happens to be Vietnamese-American, kills audiences with poking fun at his ethnicity's take on the United States. In one of his sets, he pretends as though he is a military-isque commander of some sort, rallying his people to conquer America from east to west, one nail shop at a time. I'm paraphrasing here, but trust me, it's some funny shit.
The most hilarious jokes are often that which resemble the truth. While my hometown of somewhere around 15,000 people has just two grocery stores, it boasts three nail shops owned by Asian people. And, that's not to mention all the beauty shops that offer a mani-pedi service. So, needless to say, the demand is here, there, everywhere. And, with these new businesses popping up to provide the same or similar services to their local competitor, each one has to work to be noticed in a sea of sameness.
With that very notion in mind, a Virgina spa outside of Washington D.C. concocted a new service guaranteed to "lure" new customers. The "bait" is a luxurious new treatment to rid the feet of dead skin and the spa owners hope both new and past customers will "bite."
John and Yvonne Ho, owners of Yvonne Hair and Nails, were seeking a satisfactory treatment their customers were pond, I mean fond of while offering something un"lake" the competing salons. God, the puns are just "streaming" out of me. Jesus, somebody turn of the corny!
So, when the husband and wife team heard of a rare treatment that spawned in Turkey and spread into Asia, they took a gamble in its success in the D.C. metro. Now, you know if Elk City, Oklahoma, is experiencing this nail salon boom, the Beltway must be bulging over with them.
So, if I understand it correctly, here's the deal: before the filing on your nails begins, before sticking your feet into the personal whirlpool typically resting at the bottom of the pedicure massaging chair, you plunge them into a pool of hungry, yet bare-gummed carps. Rather than your nasty foot crud being scrapped off a razor, which health departments have proven to be unsanitary, starving little fish devoured it. Perhaps your toe jam can elevate you to humanitarian status, thus saving small strands of species. Right?
As you can imagine, customers were at first weary about this new service. Apparently, a few still are. But, according to Ho (their last name is Ho, as if I weren't laughing already. I love that this family hasn't been seduced into the bland tradition of changing their name to blend into main"stream" America. But, maybe then bought a Snoop Dogg cd on the flight to the US and think they have.), if he can get 'em to take the nibbling plunge, they leave with fresh feet, raving about the fishy result.
So, my faithful few, I want to know your opinion. Would you do this? Are you grossed out by the idea of your feet as a feeding frenzy? I'm curious enough about your thoughts on this interesting subject that I think I'm going to open up a contest. Here's how it works:
Today is July 22. On August 1, I will close the contest. If you leave me a comment, any comment, about your opinion upon this new spa treatment, you are entered in it. On that day, I will call one of the three nail shops in Elk City and I will ask for a number between 1 and the enter number. For example, if I have 100 comments (unlikely, I know), I will ask them to pick a number in between that range. Now, I don't know one from another, so I myself will select this randomly. Whoever happened to leave that numbered comment will win a free pedicure on me. And if you send one of your friends to the blog to give their opinion, screw it, if they name you as their referral, I'll give one to both of you if their number is picked. But, remember, they have to leave your name like, "So glad Shonda sent me. Here's what I think."
Now, for you out of towners, DON'T FRET! If you are selected, and you could be, I will send you a money card for the value of a local salon to do your own in your own town. Hell, I'm pulling for you, anyways. The locals are already reading to see what ole crazy Shonda is up to, but you guys don't know of my nuttiness.