They Call Me the Al Gore of Western Oklahoma

I just finished up one of my articles for this week's Elk Citian, the local paper I contribute to for those of you who don't know, and I wanted to share a little of this information with my web readers.
As you know, I'm very interested in "Going Green," and by that, I mean saving a shit ton of money. If a few trees are spared in the process of my bills piling up, even better. I am nothing if not a humanitarian.
In the middle of this month, a business in Elk City will start selling those street legal electric golf carts called the Tomberlin Emerge. Some of you might see the max speed of 25 mph as a downside, but I've embraced senior citizen driving for a long time now. 10 and 2, bitches, that's what's up! I'm totally Morgan Freeman in Driving Miss Daisy.
Not only will you turn heads buzzing around town in a golf cart, but the state of Oklahoma will give a FIFTY PERCENT refund on your Tiger Woods-mobile. A full battery charge will cost a whopping $.62, but the little micro car will go 30 freakin' miles on that one battery. Sixty-two cents will buy like 1/10 of a gallon of gas. I know that's probably a pint or some other fancy metric measurement, but I've never been any good at converting. So, we'll just go with 1/10 of a gallon. Leave it alone.
Ever since I got off the phone with Rolling Retreats owner Alicia Tennery, I've been all drunk on the notion of me, zooming around town in my eco-car, folks fashioing me as the Al Gore of Western Oklahoma, an Earth-savvy tree hugger, much cooler than my typical "tight ass" tag I get among friends. (Don't mistake tight ass for toned ass. Trust me, no one calls me that!) Anyways, I already use those funny-shaped light bulbs, I think I should be nominated for the Noble Peace Prize. Hell, I might even buy a shirt made from hemp and start recycling my beer cans.
Go check out the Tomberlin!