December 17, 2008

Ridge and The He Man Woman Haters Club

So, it turns out that my oldest son is a rampant sexist. Ridge only recently showed me this brutally macho side of himself, but once he let that bulky beast out of the bag, there was just not stuffing it back in.
It all started about four days ago. Just like most Sunday nights, Rowdy had blanketed our television set with an eternity of football. As one game was finally ending, he switched to another and I belted, "OH, bullshit!"
Out of the corner of the room, Ridge, the sudden cuss word cop, came flying toward his naughty mother. Naturally, I thought his scolding was because his ears were too delicate for such profanity. I turned out to be quite wrong about that. After he punished me for saying that bad word, he declared, "Only Me and Dad came say bullshit."

I said, "Oh really? You and Dad can say bullshit, but Momma can't?"

"That's right, Momma, my bullshit is better than your bullshit."

I did my best to strangle the wild laughter trying to burst out of my mouth as I corrected my son. It was definitely one of my prouder moments as a mother. I mean, not even I would have thought one of my kids would be such a successful potty mouth at such a young age. Truly an accomplishment, I say! But, not only that, I wondered if my boy was already becoming a card-carrying member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club. He's more than willing to lavish his momma with kisses most of the time, but he also seemed quite natural and at ease when he puffed out his chest and declared that only he and his dad were clearly premium, platinum gold bullshitters.
I continued to laugh about this incident, but I didn't think much more about my son's sudden flare for sexism until this morning. As he sat on my lap and stole sips from my coffee, a commercial with two women playing football came on television. Apparently this offended Ridge's masculine sensibilities.

He said, "Mom, why are those girls playing football? Girls can't play football."

I tried to explain that, while it is generally a boys only sport, girls were allowed to play if they wanted to. This rationale only sent Ridge further into his chest-pounding rant.

"No, No, No, Momma! Girls can't play football. Only boys can play football!" He insisted.

While my husband may still sport a cowboy hat, this is far from an old-fashioned home. Rowdy and I were both puzzled by this, wondering where he could have picked this up. Trust me, I've tried to play the whole "Girls Can't Do That" card when Rowdy's been dragging me off into some horrible ranch activity like dragging off dead calves or building fence. Thus far, it hasn't worked yet. One time he made me work like 400 head of cattle with him and one lone hired hand when I was like 8 months pregnant. There was certainly no chick leniency that day. So, we have no idea just where Ridge's new "No Girls Allowed" attitude has spawned and we don't know just how far his new found sexism will run.
But, we don't know this: Ridge apparently has world-class bullshit and he doesn't want any ladies touching the pigskin.

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Anonymous said...

I believe that good bullshitting is a gift more than a skill. It makes sense that he already understands it. Like a prodigy. :D

Anonymous said...

*giggles* Maybe he has picked something up from the tv or something. My sister's 2 girls, my nieces play football every chance they get with teams they are members of in California. In fact I have never know 2 girls to be so obsessed with it. :-)

for a different kind of girl said...

Ha! I'm with goodfather! Maybe you can just say he's learning at the feet of the master!

Anonymous said...

Hey, it's Jen from kidsofqueers, thanks for the great comment. Do you mind if I post a post? I'll give you credit of course and a link, if you like, It's a great story and I'm afraid most people wont see it in the comments. Thanks Jen

Anonymous said...

A good one to teach of these days would be; "If I can't dazzle them with my brilliance I'll baffle them with my bullshit!"

The anesthesiologist I had when I had the Little Imp told me that one!


Lapa37 said...

Well he is right about only boys can say bullshit after all men are the bullshit kings.Thanks for stopping by and for the birthday wishes.

Kailyn said...

My cousin's son is a lot like Ridge. My cousin keeps wondering how she could have given birth to the critter. (That's what her mom calls my cousin's kids -- critters.)

I think you need to teach him the card game "Bullshit" and then see who's the master.

dianna said...

Somehow that's just stinking adorable*!*

Finish This Page, but click on the older posts, too.

The knee-slappin,' cursin,' GOOD TIMES don't start or end on the front page, so read the older posts! Maybe you missed something. Maybe you forgot. I try to post daily, so read the older posts!
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