July 03, 2008

Jingle Balls?

Sorry for today's late posting. The computer is back from the Doctor Kyle at Ameritech Solutions, so I think everything should zooming along until the Tech God strikes me down once again.

Yesterday morning, as I poured the delicious, ass-widening French Vanilla Coffee Mate into my morning cup of Joe, the boys bounced across the house. Mike Meyers and his fellow crew members from his up-and-coming movie The Love Guru were on The View promoting the new funny flick. Although the movie is of the traditional comedic Meyer's flare we've all come to adore through Wayne's World to Austin Powers, Mike's inspiration when he was writing it came from his late father's life and his own grieving process after his father's death. As Mike was explaining all this, masterfully mixing serious and silly, he said he tries to live his life according to a witty adage of his pop.
To be enlightened, you must first lighten up.

While I think Whoopi Goldberg is about as hip as they make 'em, I don't typically take a whole lot spiritually from The View. But, this really hit me like a hammer to a nail. You can probably tell from reading my posts that I try to interpret life from the funny side. I like to laugh and I like to make others laugh.
Just as I was trying to think of a way to incorporate the quote Mike shared, my oldest son Ridge presented me with the perfect little tale for this. When you are raising kids, especially two boys who are 18 months apart in age, if you don't try to brush life off with a grin, you are gonna spend a lot of time drinking cheap vodka in a dry bathtub. Trust me, that's not good for anyone.
Pouring my second cup of coffee, I noticed Ridge was milling around in the pantry. I assumed he was dragging out some sugary cereal his dad had foolishly brought home, so I resumed my idol-worshiping of Mike Meyers.
Well, it turns out Ridge wasn't digging through the dry goods. Instead, he had found the Christmas ornaments and was having a tassel-soaked blast stringing out lights and beads through the spare room. And then a light bulb went off.
Sitting in the lazy boy, I heard Ridge coming out of the spare room and into the living room. Of course, I would've never dreamed, even in a million years, that he would be "dressed" as he was. I mean, this really gives a new meaning to decorating the tree.
When Ridge spotted one of those small, brass bells that hang so daintily from the tree branches, he stripped himself of each strand of clothing on his little body. He knew just what to do!
I looked up to see my naked boy with nothing on his body but, well, that damn bell. With the tied circle of ribbon, he hung it from his special parts. And just when I thought I couldn't be more flabbergasted by this kid and his zany antics, he wiggled his hips and said,
Look Momma, my tallywhacker jingles!

Now, as anyone who knows me can confirm, I'm not at a loss for words very often. But, I can truly and honestly say that Ridge had managed to accomplish this feat. I didn't know if I should scold him or just laugh. Of course I want him to understand that he can't go shaking that thing anywhere or, in this case, in any way he wants. You know this almost sent PaPa Dennis into the sweats considering that when Ridge tried to pee in the grass at Mikayla's party, he reacted as though he was spraying liquid anthrax on all the other children. However, I also don't extinguish the playful joy in him and I don't want to make him think privates are totally taboo. I mean, he had no idea this might freak some folks out. I had a little talk with him, but I tried to keep it light.
Rowdy, naturally, was busting at the seams with pride. He was at least 13 before he figured that it could do tricks, if you know what I mean. Ridge has a decade head start. God, I'm gonna have an ulcer.
But, then I thought of Mike's words -- To be enlightened, you must first lighten up.
Maybe Ridge is just trying to celebrate Christmas in July.


Anonymous said...

Oh LORD!!!! Even Eric cracked up at that one!!!!! I love those lil boys!! And think thats an awesome quote....do I hear scrapbook page?... oh come on...we could find some lil bells.. LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!
I love you, and reading your blogs everyday sometimes 4-5 times a day helps me not miss ya so much!

Anonymous said...

I love reading your blogs!! You should write a book. You know, a feel good, be happy book. I have read this little story 3 times now and laugh every time.

Anonymous said...

Isn't being a mother of boys fun! I love how they have no fear of whipping it out wherever they want! You're blogs on the peeing just reminded me of Trystan at that age, and made me realize how much more I don't want to start all that with Bryson!

Finish This Page, but click on the older posts, too.

The knee-slappin,' cursin,' GOOD TIMES don't start or end on the front page, so read the older posts! Maybe you missed something. Maybe you forgot. I try to post daily, so read the older posts!
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