The Cowboy Chronicles, Apparent Home of Naughty Nuns

As I'm sure you already know, I'm not super techy. This blog's mere existence is a profound miracles. As far as miracles are concerned, it goes that time Jesus awoke from the dead, that time Moses parted the Red Sea, a never-ending pool of hood rats willing to make themselves national laughing stocks for a shot at Bret Michael's old bandanna-clad ass and then The Cowboy Chronicles being halfway navigational. That's right, I put the conception of this site above the conception of my kids on the miracle list. That doesn't mean I don't love my boys more, I do, but making them only entailed a little loving and then a bunch of laying around and bitching because everybody else could drink beer while I sweltered into a sweaty, pregnant blob in the Oklahoma heat. I may have done a lot of bellyaching about the swollen feet and heartburn, but truthfully, my pregnancies were a cakewalk in comparison to the early days of my blog.
As I've stumbled through my journey of the World Wide Web, I've periodically learned new things that are apparently as second nature to most bloggers as breathing and backtracks. The first was Twitter. Mollie had to explain it to me like 17 times before I understood what the hell she was talking about. I'm still learning my way around it, though I think I've figured it out. I could go on and on, Technorati, BlogHer, layouts. It was like a completely undiscovered, unexplored village existing and thriving within the Internet.
Most recently I found Google Analytics. I know all you geeky, HTML whiz kids are laughing your techy asses off as you read this. Yes, I have been living under a rock. It's called Oklahoma.
Anyways, Google Analytics may sounding boring and, mostly it is. However, it does give us some big steaming pile of awesome and that would be a full list of what random key words folks type into search engines that somehow brings them to me. Looking over this list, you would probably think I'm running some sort of porn site for the devoutly religious. Of course, I did halfway blog about these subject, so I will link that posts that I think are driving these folks to my blog. If you are a new reader, I guess you should read these and see for yourself if you are on a blog about some quirky, bitchy Oklahoma ranchwife or if you are really on a covert smug site. You tell me.
So, without further ado, I give the shinning stars of my keywords list:

3. sexting examples

4. spongebob conspiracy

16. booby duty

17. catlic girls gone wild

18. charlie sheen (as a cowboy)

19. charlie sheen has hairplugs

23. how schools should handle sexting

28. jason biggs douchenozzle
I really have no idea how my blog came up this, but I did write about Dane Cook being a total asshat.

33. mozel tov hat

37. nuns gone bad

**38. nuns who eat snatch

45. sarah palin hooters


47. bill clinton hummer

Now, if you just happen to be one of the folks who found me from the above-mentioned searches, don't be ashamed. Come on out and announce yourself. Clearly a Greater Power is pulling the two of us together. Maybe it's God, maybe it's your apparent love for naughty nuns and their eating habits and Charlie Sheen's bizarre hair patterns. I don't know, I'm just glad you are here.

The Recess is Over, The Bitch is Back

Well, kids, Momma's home. I bet you all thought I've completely fallen off the face of the planet. I've been around, I've just been all strung out on electionitis. Now that it is over, I've had all this extra energy with no outlet to direct it. I suppose I should clean the house, but I don't want my husband to start expecting shit. I'm sure you know what I mean.
Now that I'm back and you are back, I bet you've noticed the face lift on the blog layout. I still need to move some stuff around, but you know I have the skill level of a third grader. No offense to third graders, it just takes me a while.
Oh, and I have cracked the code on the "What the hell is happening to the clothes hangers?" mystery. Apparently my three-year-old thinks the top parts are his "hooks," a vital weapon in his war against invisible monsters. I caught him doing this shit twice this week. Child, be damned!
Fret no more, Readers. I'm back. And if I have to drag my ass to the keyboard each day, you better be dragging your ass to my NEW fancy blog.

Momma Needs A New Design!

So this week, the fabulous ladies at BlogMommas, particularly the blog designer Burg, are having the best contest I've found thus far on the web. What is it, you ask? A BLOG DESIGN, top to bottom blog design. In order to win, an enterant must write 5 reasons I must be the lucky person awarded the design. According to the blog, the winner will be picked on Monday "based on creativity and general neediness, LOL!!! Seriously, Burg and I will read every single entry and we’ll pick the best."
Now, I don't know much it will help for you, Readers, to pursuade these ladies, but I don't think it could hurt, either. SO, here goes nothing/

1. I'm a tight ass, so if it's free, I always want it.

2. Because I know someday this blog will further my quest for world domination.

3. This contest is being decided one day before my birthday, just one tiny little day. I think that in itself should qualify me.

4. I'm totally HTML retarded. Plus, I hate this layout. It's cluttered and uneven, but when I think about changing it, my throat closes up.

5. I looked through some of Burg's other designs and she's freakin' brilliant! BRILLIANT! So, I just want it.

6. (This bitch is a bonus, ya'll) Because I'm awesome.