The Portrait of a Marriage

With the Democratic Convention and then John McCain's vice presidential pick announced this week, I didn't pay much attention to other news. So, this morning as I sipped French Vanilla coffee and watched This Week with George Stephanopolous (I would totally leave Rowdy for 15 minutes alone with that hot Greek in a closet....shishhhh), my heart broke when they reported that Del Martin had died.
Del was 87 and had certainly lived a full life as one of our nation's greatest civil rights leaders. Just three short months ago, she and her partner of 55 years, Phyllis Lyon, become the first same-sex couple married in California....again. The pair had wed once before, but their marriage was annulled by a bunch of judges, most of whom have failed in sustaining a relationship a quarter of the time Phyllis and Del have.
I don't really recall how these two women first came on my radar. In between their work as founders of the nation's first gay and lesbian magazine, The Ladder, and organizing multiple civil rights groups, they are really hard to miss.
I've always held an admiration for trail blazers, for those who go against the grain even at the risk of persecution. While I believe Phyllis and Del have been heroes of the highest proportion for consistently putting the good of the whole before themselves time and time again, my true regard comes from their dedication to each other.
In each book and article I read about the two of them, in each show or documentary telling their love story, they had the same statement: that from the time they first met each other in Seattle in 1953, they both knew the other would always be their partner. It wasn't a conscious decision, just like you don't make a conscious decision for your left arm to be your left arm. They were part of each other in a way that couldn't be severed.
So, since I embarked upon my own adventures in marriage nearly five years ago, I have channeled the commitment of Phyllis and Del on many occasions. To me, it's not an issue of sexuality. There are heterosexual couples like us that I could seek advice from and there have been many times that I have. But, with Phyllis and Del, they've never seen their love as a choice. It just was. And, that's what I want for my own marriage.
In one of the documentaries I watched on the two ladies, they both acknowledged that the other had, on many occasions, frankly pissed the other off. They lived together, they worked together. It would be impossible through 55 years of living so closely to another human being, sharing the same air and the same money, not to get peeved at times. But, the idea of separating, of existing apart, was never even thought of. Through too many arguments to count, times when I thought I might kill Rowdy if I didn't get away from him, I've drawn on the wisdom of Phyllis and Del. At a time when most marriages have little shot of making it past the first few years, largely because of our wildly unrealistic notions of matrimony, Phyllis and Del have taught us that true romance isn't glitzy and exciting. Rather, it is dependability, curled up on the couch watching re-runs on a Sunday afternoon dependable, sitting for hours in a hospital room dependable. Any first kiss under the stars is going to take our breath away, or at least many of them will. It's what comes after that, when you've climbed every new and exciting milestone and it's just the two of you that molds into what Phyllis and Del shared for 55 years.
I'm still new to marriage. As the road of life goes, we've just pulled out of the driveway. And, truthfully, I don't know if we will have the same success as my two marital heroes. Really, who does? But, when the times are hard, and I know some will be, I'll be thankful that I stumbled upon the story of Phyllis and Del, two of the great lovers of our time. From the openness in the relationship, especially at a time when so many fail, I thank them. And, for Phyllis, who at the age of 83 is living for the first time in 55 years without her spouse, my heart and prayers are with you.

Ever since I met Del 55 years ago, I could never imagine a day would come when she wouldn't be by my side. I also never imagined there would be a day that we would actually be able to get married. I am devastated, but I take some solace in knowing we were able to enjoy the ultimate rite of love and commitment before she passed. --Phyllis Lyon

Brent Rinehart Doesn't Speak (OR DRAW) for Oklahoma!

Before you read any further, let me warn you: there are going to be a lot of cuss words. This post should have been filed under the Complaints and Grievances tab, but I'm so pissed that I couldn't run the risk that some of you might miss it back there.
When the hate-filed products of a hidden camera at a fund raiser for Sally Kern, the prune-faced Republican Representative to the Oklahoma House, were leaked to youtube, I was mortified. Although much of my shock stemmed from her insane charge that some invisible gay agenda was penetrating (I picked that word on purpose...What up!) our public schools, I found it even more alarming that the entire country knew this crazy bitch served in Oklahoma's government. Now, Oklahoma is definitely a conservative state. We haven't given our electoral college to any Democrat since Kennedy, but we are also a state of loving and intelligent people. I know it is very unliberal of me to say that while I disagree with some of my conservative friends, most of them are good people at heart. Perhaps the most offensive allegation was that this "homosexual agenda," which is in a full-swing recruiting period according to Sodomite Sally, poses a bigger danger to the American public than TERRORISM. Re-read that sentence. Seriously, terrorism. Sally's not a native Oklahoman, so perhaps that is why she would compare, I don't know, the second largest terrorist attack on American soil, the Murrah Building bombing on April 19, 1995, with tax-paying, law-abiding and often God fearing Americans seeking equal protection under the law. As this letter to Sally from a young many whose mother died with 168 other innocent people that day proves, this isn't the right place to be watering down the impact of terrorism. We know all about it and it wasn't some Middle Eastern fundamentalist who unleashed all that blood mayhem upon the Oklahoma City Federal Building. Rather, it was a Middle AMERICA buzz cut country boy with militia delusions who ended many lives and damaged even more.
But, as outraged as I was at this Oklahoma move-in Sally Kern and her ridicules bullshit, that pales in comparison to the out-right anger I'm feeling toward Oklahoma County Commissioner Brent Rinehart. Like I said before, as pissed as I am at Brent's homophobic insanity, I'm even more pissed that these two nut jobs are solidifying the rest of the world's poor opinion of Oklahoma, the state of my heart.
Brent's been no stranger to inflammatory comments about homosexuals, but he's kicked it up about a million notches. Earlier this week, a comic strip dreamed up by him and drawn by some asshole named Shane Suiters was leaked via email. See the full comic here. Of course, Brent apparently plans to mass produces them, so we would've seen it one way or another.
The motivation for this outrageous comic isn't just to draw attention through some twisted shock and awe tactic Brent must've picked up in the military, but also because he is facing felony campaign finance charges, alleging Rinehart and his former campaign manager illegally funded the 2004 campaign for county commissioner. A trial has been scheduled for September, which is after next week's primary. One donor, Jerl Methvin, has already plead no contest to one count of making a contribution to a political candidate in excess of $5,000. He was given this week a six-month deferred sentence, ordered to pay court costs and will testify against Rinehart and others implicated in the scheme.
So, I guess to weaken the creditability of these charges and Oklahoma Attorney General Drew Edmondson, a comic foe of superhero Rinehart, Brent got drunk on crazy juice and hatched this plan. Apparently, he thinks that Oklahoma voters are so stupid that we would get our hands on this poorly-drawn piece of shit and then believe that he must be innocent.
On page seven of this garbage, the two fictional Oklahomans, one imaginary neighbor explaining to another just what a servant to the good Oklahoma principles Ole' Brent is, the balding dude says to the big haired woman,
"The last big gun the Good Ol' Boys could fire at Brent was to get a Democrat and homosexual advocate Attorney General Drew Edmondson to file campaign charges against Brent at a time that prevents Commissioner Rinehart from clearing his good name."
Then some stiff in glasses, who I assume represents Rinehart's attorney or maybe some other lunatic helping him further this madness, explains to the two comic neighbors,
"He is innocent and will be proven so in September, unfortunately after the primary. But that's part of their plan to defeat Brent."
There might be Oklahomans who carry these homophobic regards, but again, no one likes to look stupid. Thanks, Brent! Not to mention that, Drew Edmondson may be a Democrat, but he is far from a liberal. I think Brent is also a bit willy nilly with "advocate." Yes, Drew has vocalized his belief that homosexuals shouldn't be discriminated against in the work place, but he hasn't gone out and campaigned for any radical social reforms, either. But, I think Brent's loose definition of advocate probably includes people who don't have wet dreams about cracking open skulls outside the Copa Cabana.
As I scanned through the 16 paged masterpieces (seriously, 16 pages of CRAH-ZAY!), I was bewildered by a cocktail of emotion. On one hand, I was enraged by this asswipe trash. On the other, it is soooo over-the-top that I couldn't help but giggle. In all seriousness, I hate that each gay friend that I have started their week here in Oklahoma worried that this incendiary bullshit might inflame some rage-consumed homophobe who might use this as justification to hurt them. But, still, it's hard not to laugh at this.
As fantastically crazy as the entire thing was, the best part came from two supporting roles: Satan, who naturally supports gays AND any political adversary of Brent's, Republican or Democrat, and an angel, an avid Rinehart supporter, of course. Truthfully, I'm awe-struck that this blasphemous asshole didn't roll out the big guns with a flying Jesus. I suppose this where his finely-tuned editing eye came in.
Poking his pitch fork toward a frumpy mother grasping her potato-head son, Satan says,
"If I can just get the kids to believe homosexuality is normal."
Then the pixie angel gleefully declares,
"Hey Satan, not with Brent around you won't!"
When I read through all this witty Satan-Angel banter, I truly thought this shit couldn't be any more like a religious acid trip gone awry. I was wrong. As I scrolled to the next page, I was shocked by a penciled protest where Satan, a true star in this classic, and men dressed in togas like Julius Caesar are waving signs in support of Brent's opponents. Where's Waldo is also there in full protesting form. I guess he's gay too! That explains why we can never find him. All this time he's been hiding in some dude's asshole.

Naturally, the comic declares gay men and pedophiles as one in the same. By the way, the brilliant artist spells pedophile with a "F." Maybe that stands for faggot, who knows. I'm the queen of typos, so don't think I'm getting all self-righteous. But, if I were going to print something like this, I would get the important words like that right. They also declare Brent as a staunch opponent of "anal sodomy." I'm not sexpert, but is there another kind of sodomy? Oral sodomy? Vaginal sodomy? If anyone could clear this up for me, I'd appreciate it. The cherry on top of this homophobic sundae is that Rinehart repeatedly refers to liberals as "good ol' boys." This thing is really ground-breaking. We've been called a lot of things, but good ol' boys has never been one of them. That's typically reserved for the White Knights of the Klu Klux Klan. You know how pro-gay they are. It's no wonder you can never find affordable Prada and Gucci in white! I know it's hard to pick up on sarcasm on print, so let me just specify that I AM being a wise ass here.
Clearly people like Brent Rinehart and Sally Kern believe that only values that are values are theirs and the only laws that matter are the ones they support. That explains why for the SECOND time, Sally Kern smuggled her gun onto the Oklahoma State Capitol this last Wednesday. While Sodomite Sally does have permit to carry a concealed weapon, firearms are strictly prohibited there. Thank God the x-ray machine at the check point caught her. I know some fabulous gays at the Capitol and I don't want this ticking time bomb bigot armed around them. Jesus, what if they criticized her terrible hair cut? She looks like Jimmy Johnson in a pant suit. Like I said, this is the second time Kern has brought a damn gun in. She, of course, claims to have forgotten the firearm in her purse because she was in a hurry, but you and I both know if this would've been a rainbow-clad member of the non-existent pink army she's waging war against, she would be calling for their pretty little heads. Rinehart would be right there with her. Then again, maybe Sodomite Sally was packing heat because she suspected Rinehart's gay gaffe would reignite the fire storm that her comments sparked. I mean, she did receive death threats. Oh wait, law enforcement went through each message and each email she received and they could never find the death threat she CLAIMED to receive. Liar, liar, Sally's pants are on fire!
Clearly only a pathetic, insane and, above all, desperate man would stoop to such ludicrous measures to win a primary. Now, unfortunately I don't live in Oklahoma City, so I won't get the distinct pleasure of voting against this dickhead next Tuesday. But, for all of my readers who do, please get to the polls. We can't stop Brent Rinehart from making himself look like an asshole, but we can stop him from making us look like one!

It's Never to Late to Do the Right Thing

It's never too late to do the right thing -- Jeff Key

Flipping through the channels today, the title of one particular program leaped out of me. Semper Fi. The United States Marine Corp motto, it is short of Semper Fideleous, always faithful. I know this because I'm the granddaughter of a Marine, a man who dedicated nearly 30 years of his life to his beloved corp. For that reason, I'm always interested in learning new things about this branch of the military.
So, I scrolled to the show and pressed the information button. And I was instantly drawn in even more. This is the first-hand, true life account of not just a Marine who was deployed to Iraq with the first waves after the invasion, but of a Marine who was also a homosexual.
Jeff Key served the Marine Corp with great honor. This film is based on the one-man play he wrote about his experience. Although much of the information is anchored around balancing his sexuality with his service, he also focuses on a filthy war's impact on innocent civilians, especially children. As a mother, those thoughts run through my mind often.
The film is poignant and breath-taking. It intertwines with scenes from Jeff's play, news footage from that time and the accounts and recollections of Jeff's family, friends and, most importantly, the men who served with him. Each of his fellow soldier spoke with the highest regard for Jeff, even though most of them knew of his sexuality. As he was older than most of them, old enough to be most of their parents, he served as a mentor de facto for the group. At one point in the film, one of his fellow soldiers says that in the war zone, one's race, religion or sexual orientation did not matter. The fact that he knew Jeff Key would take a bullet to save his life did.
Jeff Key is an American hero. He enlisted in the military for the right reason, patriotism alone. Not that the GI Bill isn't a totally legitimate motivation, but he was already educated and established when he joined up. While Jeff held a great compassion for the Iraqi general populace, he was a fierce a soldier as any. But then again, Alexander the Great and the Spartans are still the greatest war machines this world has ever experienced and they practiced wide-spread homosexuality.
I could write all day long about this film and what I took from it. With the nation's birthday approaching, I suggest this viewing to honor service people past and present.

I made the difficult decision to exit the military. I could no longer be a part of a war that I knew to be illegal under the Geneva Conventions and wholly immoral. It was the most difficult decision of my life. I could not in good conscience apply for discharge as a contentious objector. To be a contentious objector, one has to believe that it is against his religious or spiritual convictions to take up arms against another human. I had been, up to the time of my return, and still was willing to kill to defend defenseless people, protect my nation and preserve the Constitution of the United States. Although it has taken me years to admit it, I probably would have relished taking the life of a tyrant who out of cruelty or greed had caused innocent people to suffer -- Jeff Key

Jeff has also founded an organization, www.mehadifoundation.org, to help alleviate the suffering of our troops who are returning home locked in the chains of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well as that of the Iraqis who have no real home to return to. The non-profit organization is named after a little boy Jeff met in a small, dusty town in Southern Iraq who extended kindness to him and the other American troops as they arrived. Go read about Jeff's mission. Better yet, donate. I mean, really, what sacrifices are you making for the war outside of that magnetic ribbon on your SUV. It's not like the magnetic ribbon manufacturers are donating their profits for medical care for our troops, but Jeff is. Like he said, it's never too late to do the right thing.