January 23, 2009

All My Bags Are Pack And I'm Ready To Go

Rowdy went on a "cattle buying" trip last week, which is basically code talk for "you and the two kids we have are driving me nutso, so with the added children I think this is a good time to let our cattle buyers in East Texas take a break for day." Don't get me wrong, Rowdy loved having the Webb children with us, but when both they and our two spawn started puking, he was all, "Peace out, Bitch."
Now, the reason that this is important to what I am about to tell you about is that he rode to East Texas in a cattle truck that was hauling our recently bought cattle to us here in Western Oklahoma and Rowdy decided to hop on board and let that be his transportation. And, unfortunately for me, as he was heading out the front door, he mentioned to our oldest boy Ridge just where he was going -- A SALE BARN. Now, I realize that many of you don't fully know just what that is and that those of you who do don't understand why my son would be so freakin' excited about it. So you know, a sale barn is basically what it sounds to be, a barn where cattle and other livestock are, well, sold. And to my boy Ridge this is fucking Disneyland.
After the extremely traumatic experience of his father not only riding on a cattle truck without him, but also going to his beloved sale barn without him, Ridge was on high alert for this sort of underground behavior. He was suspicious and trusted no one, particularly not his mother and father.
So when they cattle truck pulled down the drive way two days ago and backed into the shoots, Ridge immediately went into action. Rowdy, of course, was down there unloading the truck and I was in the bathroom with Rolan, working on the potty training. Like a swift gust of wind, Ridge yanked a suitcase from the closet and threw his clothes in it. Before I finished in the bathroom with his brother, he had shimmied the front door open and was dragging his packed luggage down the driveway.
He was off, a free man ready to ride the open road and see where the road took him. As much as I tried to convince him his father was, in fact, not leaving on that cattle truck, he was steadfast in his disbelief. Eventually I called Rowdy and asked him to come home in order to end the rather annoying protest that was taking place at the front door. Rowdy's skeptic paranoia subsided a bit then, but still lingered some.
Since then, Ridge has insisted on only wearing clothes that come from his suitcase. But, not only that, clothes that he himself actually physically removes from it. For example, I can't go yank something out of there for him to put on, even if it is in front of his own compulsive eyes.
So, yeah, not only did Rowdy get his little trip, but now I will forever have to deal with Ridge darting out of the house, blubbering and screaming, when a cattle truck unloads two or three times a week, but I will also have to adhere to him only wearing clothes that have been prepacked.
It's like I'm God's comedy.

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Chris said...

LOL @ God's comedy. After reading that post, I'm gonna have to say I agree with you.

Kailyn said...

Shonda, hon. If I were you, I wouldn't be writing this hilarious post. I'd be locked up in the loony bin.

Michelle said...

Oh my goodness Shonda this is too funny. Or should i be laughing at this??? Because i am. Laughing that is!!!

He will get over it and soon you can pick his clothes!!!

Thanks for making me smile!!!

Read my last blog post when you have a moment girlie!!!

Cowgirl in the City said...

:) That'll teach your husband to say those words in front of your son! Thanks for sharing!

Cowgirl in the City, http://irishamy.blogspot.com

Michele said...

Those kids get a thought in their heads that just seem to keep rattling around no matter how much you try to convince them otherwise.

He forget about this eventually but you'll get to laugh about it for the rest of your life.

Anonymous said...

Okay that last line made me laugh out loud. I hope it all irons out! Tell not to forget to pack underwear!

Unknown said...

Love this! Disneyland, you crack me up.

Unknown said...


Casey said...

Oh no. Can you stuff clean clothes in the suitcase when he's not looking? That's so sad. And funny. I hope he's over it by now..

Anonymous said...

Interesting story: Our 1948 house was built by a guy who needed a place to live when he was in town for the cattle auctions. (according to neighbors). I guess this was their second house. Indeed, it looks like a big ranch house. All the main rooms are big. I agree, this post was VERY funny.

dianna said...

You will be hooting over that one for a LONG time*!*

Anonymous said...

no shonda. you are my comedy.

i love you better than disneyland. and better than the iron i never use. and better than that cookbook filled with recipes i never cook. and better than pulling weeds in my postage stamp garden on a warm spring day. and better than . . . well, no. i was gonna say better than tequila, but that would be a flat out lie. however, i can say it if you really, really want me to and if you don't mind that it's a lie.

Finish This Page, but click on the older posts, too.

The knee-slappin,' cursin,' GOOD TIMES don't start or end on the front page, so read the older posts! Maybe you missed something. Maybe you forgot. I try to post daily, so read the older posts!
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