October 23, 2008

The Offspring Uprising Has Conquered the Internet

In case you are wondering why my posts have been lagging as of late, I need to tell you that my computer has been hijacked by 4-year-old. That's right, he has totally taken this bitch over. And what's worse is it is all my fault. I got all consumed with his education and preparing him for the world ahead of him and thus taught him how to navigate around the world wide web in search of educational games to stimulate his fertile mind.
What a tragic misstep that was! I am constantly teaching my kids to do stuff and regretting it as soon as it started. Ever since I slowed down the mouse speed and turned him loose, he has found multiple little activities he loves, particularly those staring the cartoon of his heart, Thomas the Train. I know I'm suppose to be excited that my son is teaching himself new techie skills each day, but it is seriously cutting down on my people watching on myspace. I mean, it has been at least a week since I've observed some catty fight between two ladies battled out through myspace updates. I freakin' love those!
Of course, I have used Ridge's new found computer addiction to bend him to my will on some other divisive issues. In fact, it has really turned the tide in the Great Asparagus Wars of 2008. It went a little something like this here:

ME: Eat your asparagus.

HIM: No, I don't like it. I want more steak.

ME: If you don't eat it, you can't play your Thomas the Train game on the computer.

HIM: What?

ME: Seriously, no asparagus, no game.

HIM: What?

ME: And I'm gonna let your little brother play it all night.

HIM: You're a mean momma!

ME: Eat your asparagus.

HIM: Fine, mean momma.

Well, as much as I would like to bitch further about all the sharing with the offspring I have now screwed myself into doing, I promised to let him play as soon as I finished writing and he is currently standing right beside me, whining about how I told him he could play after he picked up his toys. He just started hitting a pitch that is even annoying his little brother, so I guess I have to hold up to my end of the deal and let him play.
In case you are still missing the moral of this sad story, let me spell it out for you. Learn from my mistakes and heed my warnings, Readers, don't teach your kids things. ANYTHING. If you follow my poor example, soon they will be smarter than you and will start encroaching on your domain and then you won't be able to indulge yourself in myspace drama or any of the other awesomey goodness of the internet. Damn that childhood education, damn it to hell!

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6 comments:

Dagny said...

It is bad enough that you have no control over the TV but now you have lost the computer as well? You must stop all this craziness immediately.

Pro-Abortion Mollie said...

You need another computer. Or two or three. In my experience the more the better. I am just three away from reaching my goal.

Do drugs. Be President. Ask Bush.

noble pig said...

We have five computers for four people because otherwise all hell would break loose over here!

for a different kind of girl said...

AMEN.

Sadly, when I allowed my kid to reign over the computer, I was the one who ended up learning something, and sadly that something cost me $400, because I caved and got myself a laptop.

I got the last laugh, though, albeit the last, expensive laugh. That PC the kids use is SLOW. Ha ha, kids. Take that! Pfft!

Me Myself said...

My advice, don't let him discover www.starfall.com. I couldn't get Tharin off my computer from it, so now he has his own little computer, complete with Donald Duck wallpaper for his easy link and starfall.

Lorrie Veasey said...

Sure at 4 they are all about Thomas The Tank Engine, then before you know it, they are seven, and you check your google history and someone has typed in SEXY BOOBS and why, yes, that DID happen to me.

Learn from my mistakes. Force them to read books.

Finish This Page, but click on the older posts, too.

The knee-slappin,' cursin,' GOOD TIMES don't start or end on the front page, so read the older posts! Maybe you missed something. Maybe you forgot. I try to post daily, so read the older posts!
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