My biggest fan just called, you know who I'm talkin' 'bout, and she's all, "Why the hell haven't you blogged in like a week?"
And I was like, "What the hell are you talkin' 'bout, yo. I just blogged the day before last."
Then she said, "That's like a week in bloggy years."
That's when it hit me -- my brain has finally been completely rotted by all the smut I continously lavish upon it. My mother has been telling me this would happen for years, but like all motherly superstitions, I just shrugged this off. But, here we are, at the start of my 28th year....or my 29th year. I turned 28 in August, so I'm not 100% for sure which it would be. I mean, when I was born, I started my first year, not my zeroith year. Right? Screw it, you know what I mean.
As it is, I think my mind has melted. All these pointless years of Desperate Housewives and filthy mouthed comics have rotted it. I might as well start smoking pot in the middle of the afternoon and kicking a hackie sack in a circle. My productivity is at exactly that lowly level, only I'm accomplishing all this nothingness without a buzz.
This week we hired a tree trimmer to come out and, well, trim the trees. Holy shit, wasn't this old dude an overachiever. I mean, he trimmed the fucking trees. So, somehow in the divine comedy of life, the task of picking up these 3 million stray tree limbs as fallen on the head of yours truly, underachiever extraordinaire. So, that's when it hit me, my biggest fan is right. I need to blog. At least that serves as some sort of productivity for my workaholic husband. And because I know AIG will pay back that enormous gift courtesy of the American workforce before my husband reads my blog, he will never know that this is rambling pile of bologna.
So, enjoy this, Readers, the blank pages of my fleeting mind. I had this great story lined up for you and I still plan to get to it, but when I sat in front of the screen, I couldn't even begin to know where to start. I think the phrase "Doesn't Know Head From Ass" has never been so appropiate.
Well, I'm off to continue my campaign against the errant twig and branch. Any volunteers just holler. I need someone to take my post as the low man on the totum pole.